Turns out Niki’s fart is as hot as she is, the latest rumor is that there is a secret list of people who have decided that they would like to hear the sound of Niki Minaj’s fart. Sadly enough this people wont be able to smell it, it turns out that the iPhone of Niki’s disgruntled friend that captured the sound wasn’t able to capture the stench, hopefully iPhoneFX which will be released in 2015 will have the technology that captures the smell of celebrity farts like Niki’s. In my opinion if you want to hear how it sounds you might be interested in how it smells… lol.
Women fart longer and harder! By the way who farts for that long? Well that was my question until i found out that it is scientifically proven that women are known to be capable of releasing way longer and pants ripping farts than men, seriously –you should call up your science teacher and find out.
The five types of farts Believe me Minaj’s fart has me bumping into some farty information i never imagined existed, not only do i now know that women fart longer and harder than men i also have been educated on the existence of five scientifically proven types of fart, please check out which one of the types listed below you most often let go.
1. The machine gun/firecracker: Oh yes this is the mean one, very disrespectful and unpredictable. You know this one, it goes like a firecracker, ratat tatat tata, traaatraa, tata tata. praprapraararara, pouo pay. Pray this dosnt escape you in public because i guarantee you, you will be soooo embarrassed. This fart is said to have a bad habit of pretending to be the Silencer when it wants to come out but as soon as you give it way it shows its true color going wild and out of control. The worst thing about it is that you cant stop it until it has run its full course. Damn i hate when it does that to me in public.
Tip: just in case your machine gun goes off on you in public without any warning you can either bury your head in a newspaper, novel or bag or you can look the person sitting right next to you and say to them: “What The Hell Was That?”
2. The Multiple Personality Fart MPF: OMG this one here is the best, just the name says it all, multiple personality fart. This fart is said to exhibits the chararcterictics of all the other types of farts. It starts as any one of the other farts and then morphs/changes into all the types one at a times during the same farting time period.
It could start as a silencer and go through the entire fart type circle ending as a machine gun or the other way round but it must go through the full circle of all five fart types before concluding. This is the father of all farts, i would suggest it be renamed “godfather fart”.
3. The silencer: This is the type that wants to come out in the public, like in the office, the metro, in a packed church service, in a meeting, the shopping mall or when somebody is walking closely behind you. You basically have to muffle it so it doesnt come out loud by gently and slowly raising your butt up at a 45 degree angle if you are sitting but if you are standing or walking you gently squeeze the butt checks at short intervals to let it out. It comes out with a pffffffffff sound, it is usualy hot coming out and is said to have the stinkiest odor, more like rotten egg.
4. The operaic/symphonic: This one is said to come out like a melody with undluating but none aggressive sound, mild and gently but very melodic and that is where it got is name, it sound like in the opera. it goes pneyyy-pouw-paaaa-pricploc-douoooo. it is not as hot as the silencer coming out and doesnt stink as bad either.
5.Liquid boy: This is the type of fart that makes you feel like you want to take a dump but then its just a fart, it comes out almost feeling like you just shit yourself. The reason it feels that way is because it comes out hot but as it meets the lower temperature outside your anus, it acts the same way hot air acts when it is introduced to higher temperature. Really i cant remember the whole science about this Liquid boy fart, it is just not my the kind of science i studied in school.
Back to Minaj story Rumor has it that after a long day of restaurant hopping with her friend Niki returned home and dashed into the toilet, seconds after her friend was also speeding to the toilet but was stopped short by an angry and undulating sound. “I tiptoed to the toilet door, quickly pulled out my iphone and started recording, it lasted exactly 45 seconds” she said. WOW!!
Fart Analyzed LTG also understands that Niki’s 45 seconds long fart recording was analyzed by some expensive and sophisticated NASA-like machines and this is the result, the sound of Niki’s 45 seconds long fart when amplified by only a single notch up had the potential to cause a whirlwind that could pick up a full pack of letter size printing paper and toss it about 7 feet into the air! When amplified to its maximum level it had the potential to burn a hole through a Levi’s jean pants. OMG!
Want your fart analyzed?
What about the stench?, “hoff, i wish there was a technology to capture it but I swear it will knock out any child between the ages of 1 to ehm… maybe 13. It is that bad!” Niki’s disgruntled friend added.
My question: How can something so long and so wicked come out of somebody so pretty???
Moral of the story: Why do some people act like they dont fart, if you have ever run into one of those wanabes who act like they dont fart or have never farted in their lives just tell them to take a chill pill. Yes celebrities too do fart and shit just like everybody else, the only differences is that they fart into more expensive underwears than the rest of us care to spend our money on and they shit into toilet bowls that are highly overpriced.
And trust me, their farts do revolt with outrageous stench and perfom balistic gymnastics and their shit sometimes need two or three flushes to go down like mine sometimes does.